i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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