just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
