Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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