When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
