So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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