I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
