Tell her she can't have a vagina
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
