Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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