Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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