my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
