I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
