can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm like, not good at living.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
