there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
