I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
