who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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