There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
