You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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