that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
