need another drink. this is the easiest way
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
