What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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