I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
