ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
