mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so let's talk penis.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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