we have pet lesbian snakes
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
