Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
