I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
