i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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