bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
