WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
