it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
