I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
