Im at strip club and am horny
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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