Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
