What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
