I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize