As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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