he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
