Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize