So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
mondays should just be called national damage control day
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
