Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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