I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Someone came in the potted fern
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
