he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
