New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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