The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
