no, he came in my armpit
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Randomize
