I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize