Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
