Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
