The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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