why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
