There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
