Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
