I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you had me at cake vodka
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
