Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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