All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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