dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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