dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
