well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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