i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
