i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
