oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
