I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We have started to decorate penises.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
