So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
