so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So much Jack, so little girl.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
