We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
