Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize