I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
