i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
