you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
