Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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