I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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