I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
